Facelesscog – Reason 42 Why Being a Double Amputee is Cool: You always win those “Who’s got the biggest scar” contests.


prince16greg – #WhenIGrowOld ima purchase lots of grandpa diapers.

MrsBieberorDie - ATTENTION I AM NOT 9 I AM 9 AND A HALVE U c***s

NotBurtReynolds Wow! Just woke up naked in a Dennys bathroom. I remember ordering a Grand Slam this morning. I wonder if I ate it?

FrankieMcGinty - Church goes much quicker when you’re drunk.

c_wayne – Great new Easter tradition: getting drunk with friends and stuffing our faces; also, Rock Band. Why oh why does Jesus die only once a year?

kriscappuccino – I look and feel so skinny. I’ve eaten one thing in the last 3 days and threw up like twenty times yesterday. Haha. Gross.

wicked12 - @inluvwithJON 70s porn mustache, grey flannel pants, red converse hightops, and wait for it…suspenders.

coreywoodruff - Hungover at 8:30 pm. Feels like college.

CUDDL3B3AR @Kelsey_Grammer I HOPE ALL IS OK IF YOUR IN CALIFORNIA HEARD THEY HAD A NICE EARTHQUAKE CAN YOU FOLLOW ME BACK

meetthewilsons – I asked Jett last night what he wants to be when he grows up. His answer: A Natural Disaster. What 5 year old says that??? I’m in for it.

A7XHarlot6661 – i am telling you if you go on jerry springer wear matching undies and make sure they are decent

DanOleski – If you ride your motorcycle fast enough, no one will notice if you’re naked.

geoff_eaton – there’s a grown man in my office wearing a fanny pack. and his cell ringtone is a clown horn. send help.

danielweztad – I Think I’m gonna move to Canada and become a world famous curler. Think about all the free drugs andpussy I could have.

QualityControlx - @hexmurda who the f**k was oscar anyway?

_broseph_stalin – Well… There’s always the backseat!

taliawrites – I went to this redneck dive bar last night & when any chicks would walk in or out, the guys would cheer. I threw up in my mouth a little.

GuitarRocker1 – How do you piss off a female archeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from

Crazy_4_Jackson – OMG i WALKED in on my mom singing “I can make your bed rockkkkk” I was like.. Ummm.. are you having a moment??